Again

I saw you and I cried.

I saw you again and i cried again.

a letter i gave my Tatay the day after my 25th birthday

Dear Tatay,

How I love hearing the story of Nanay's laboring on October 1985. It was past her due week but because you were still out of town for work, the baby inside her tummy knew it was still not time. I think it is a very special event because I really waited for you. thank God there was no advice for cesarean because this storyis just lovely!

I love waiting for my Tatay. It is very rewarding to meet you by the door and seeyou wear your big smile. You may be silent in a whole lot of time but when your obliging kisses and embraces, when I ask them, speaks a lot. Tatay, your love as a father is very warm and it just seeps so deep to my soul that I do not forget it. A person needs 8 hugs a day to be healthy. And your warmth keeps me healthy.

I love being adored by my Tatay.

You have provided us so well and so lavishly, Tay. You have trained us when we were young. Thank you for allowing us to experience a life of a starting farmer. Planting of durian, mamu-bo sa tanom (and watering the plants). Lisod (Hard), but it was a good memory of our childhood.

Thank you for offering your changed life to God. For teaching me about Catholic Christianity. For bringing me with you, for checking up if I listened to the priest's sermon.

Thank you for loving our beloved Nanay. For changing her and for taking care of her. For committing to make your marriage healthy. Thank you for taking care of my Ate and my Kuya. You have few words but you have great, great love.

Tatay, I know I disappoint you in some of my decisions and actions of irresposibility and immaturity. There are things that I have not become and I am not. It does hurt me deep to disappoint you, not just because I want to please you or that I am fishing for your compliment, but because I know how much you labor for us. I am sorry Tay. I apologize for some irrational decisions. But I will try my best to take responsibility for them.

Thank you for respecting and understanding me, Tay. You teach us responsibility and reality. And in facing them, I thank God because He has given me confidence on your great love for me.

Tay, I have always seen wisdom in you. I am so blessed to have you as my role model. These years, I know how much you value your health and well-being. We respect that so much and we look forward for your happier years. As Kuya said "You have provided us more than enough, and in fact, you have provided for us so lavishly." I can't be more thankful.

Thank you for loving us through your example and the life you live, Tay.

My birthday - October 8 - is a celebration of this great life I am given. Of how blessed I am to have You and Nanay as my parents. I owe my life, my happiness and the love I am able to give from You and from Nanay.

Thank you so much for taking good care of me and for loving me.

:) krishna mie '10

P.S.

I am so excited of seeing you and Nanay as grandparents. I know it will give a new joy.

And don't you think Nanay has given me such a wonderful and beautiful name! I just love it

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the day after i gave this letter my tatay asked me what i meant when i said he changed my nanay. I said i saw his efforts in making their marriage work, and my nanay has been smiling lately... my tatay said: "It was not me who changed your Nanay. ever since i met her she was always very smiling. it was her who changed me"

I am sharing this letter because i want to honor my parents, and honor my communities who has taught me well in honoring :D

it is Christ the King celebration and we had a partners in mission activity this morning with CYA and HTC. I love seeing the fathers and the mothers in HTC with their kids. there is something about a child's innocence and total dependence on parents. it is a very powerful force that pulls out the sense of responsibility among parents. seeing their children, they can't help but try to become better individuals. 

when i saw the parents at htc, i can't help but imagine all that they've been through and going through: to dream for their children and to make those dreams happen.

this afternoon, i can't help staring at my father. the lines on his face, the prominence of white hairs. he has sacrificed a lot of us. i could not help thanking him for taking care of us.

I can't help also but be thankful for being part of CYA and Lingkod. our way of life has taught me so much on prioritizing relationships than service! we are demanded of a lot from service, so you could just imagine, how much higher relationship is valued. ofcourse the high demand in service, has been fun to do, though at times challenging. i learned how to adjust with people, i learned that if a person is going through something, i would have to know where s/he is coming from. i learned to allow my friends help me in changing and improving my life. i had my share of compromise and rejection. but i thank God for experience has taught me to take initiative for a relationship to work. i need not wait on the other. and that relationship is such a very worthy investment.

when i was younger, i had my share of "my parents do not even know who i am," "they don't even try to see me," "do they even know what i am going through?" but when i was given responsibility to take care of of action groups, where my members would look up to me, i learned how to walk an extra mile for them, i needed to know them personally, i needed to spend time with them and encourage and create an atmosphere of acceptance for them. in a lot of times i was not successful.

i thank God for this opportunity of taking care of people, because by this, i was able to appreciate how much my parents were giving me. all the while i thought they did not see me, but as i know it is not as easy to take care of people, i was able to see how much my parents prepared for me. how much of their lives has changed, how much they have sacrificed for me.

i could not be thankful enough for belonging in CYA, in Lingkod, and in HTC and Ang Ligaya ng Panginoon (by virtue of their support and example that i look up to).

service has revealed to me what i can give and what my capacities are. it taught me how to prioritize that i can actually give time. i think more importantly, i learned that if i can give so much in the community, then i could also give a lot in our family relationships. 

the practice of honoring in the community has allowed me to reach far on how i express love and gratitude to my family.

to my friends reading, i would like to encourage us all not wait for struggling times or even death before we express love and gratitude. express them while our loved ones are well.

do a very big favor to your family members in a very unspecial day when they least expect it. and when your parents would tell you "why are you good all of a sudden? do you want any favors?" grab the opportunity to tell them "oh nothing, i just want to make sure you know that i love you"

this evening, i just gave my mum a 2 hour massage. it was relaxing when she talked, or while i sing himig heswita songs. before that, i also spent a quiet time with my tatay while he stayed in our dark veranda, staring in space. when i left, i told him how thankful i was for how he cares for us. i wanted to make sure they know i love them.

it took me years of risking possibilities of rejection, and being paranoid of called "oa" or cheezy, before i got comfortable of how i express this way. but it was worth the hundred times of risks :D 

to my bros and sis in CYA and Lingkod, thank you because life with you has taught me much about  love and service in their various forms.

to my bros and sis in HTC, since the time i had my first PIM activity in 2003, i have always felt security and assurance with your presence.

God reigns on earth, for Jesus has been with us indelibly!

Happy Christ the King!!